Overload - Cheap Plastic

Cheap Plastic

By Wesley Boynton

Screw Reliability.

I am currently on vacation in North Carolina (Motto: One man's trash is a tourist's treasure) and will be for only a few more short hours. However, for my last full day on vacation yesterday, I went to bed defeated by cheap plastic. I played Xbox quite frequently over vacation. I also made bodily noises that I'm quite sure people would not like to hear about in great detail. Why did I do all this? Because I can. However, about the Xbox. I am a fan of the Tony Hawk's Pro Skater series, commonly called THPS (motto: Lets add a bit of product placement to our games! (This motto was brought to you by Circa, Adio Quicksilver, Baker...)). I am anticipating the release of the sixth, yes sixth, game release. However, until fall, I'm stuck with THPS5 which I have not yet conquered on all levels of difficulty without cheating and using a guide. For one day, I got pretty far. however, my complaint is the controller. Not because of the bad button-placement, no. The placement is quite good. It's the strength of the controller I don't like. Because when I spend 3 hours on one goal and mess up every time, I tend to chuck the controller at the ground, hit the middle on my knee... And, unlike the good old days, it remains un-harmed. Whatever happened to the good old days with the SNES controllers? You could play pong and if you messed up, the controller would snap on the spot because it was made of cheap Japanese plastic. Nowdays it seems that, just like computers, controllers are immune to children and can only be busted by one thing. Let me give you a hint. It starts with a "B", and ends with an "EER."

Also, in addition to the controllers, here are a few other things that won't break.

1. Sport stars (Which is why they smell so bad)

2. The freaks in the "Kit-Kat" bar commercials

3. The soap opera tapes that I generally treat as wildlife. (Do not come within 100 yards of the soaps)

4. My toothbrush

5. Un-breakable stuff

6.My toothbrush

Now, we must ask ourselves. How can we fix this? Simple. Welding tools. Welding tools are always the answer (“Mom, my gameboy's broken!” “Get the welding tools, honey!”) First we melt it. Then we carefully remove the gatzemeter, mod in afzketer, and reclose. Or just hit it open with a hacksaw.

So kids, when you're going on vacation, don't make my mistake. "Forget" your toothbrush, and bring your welding tools.