Overload - Egotism

Egotism

By Wesley Boynton

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Do you ever deal with egotistical people? I do. And for those who haven’t, it’s not pretty. In fact, it’s downright bad. Like, worse than sitting next to the hippie who believes deodorant is a pro-abortion body product (On an eight-hour flight). Not fun. You see, we’re surrounded on this planet by those whose bodies are composed of approximately 40% pride, 15% stupidity, 30% valley girl, and 15% donated to science. Now, to live with and ultimately understand these strange beings, we must know the ego. What do you think the ego looks like? WRONG. It looks like a walrus, and for four reasons.

It’s fat
It has blunt tusks
It has many nose hairs
It closely resembles President George W Bush.

So, you now are beginning to get some basic conceptual idea (Mental Doodle) about the ego. Good. Now watch the film “The Blair Witch Project” about 30 times and you may come to the level of understanding I have reached (“Wow, what an interesting camera angle!”).

The ego is a complex part of the human psyche, with twists, turns, and random pictures of hippie protests along the way. If you are to defeat this menace, you must know it’s weaknesses. About now you’re probably asking “It has weaknesses?” Well indeed, it does, my friend.

You see, egotistical people simply cannot insult. If they could, then they would not be egotistical. They would be convicts. So, by relating them to the Nazi party, they cannot defend themselves, nor attack, forcing them to lash out (“Stupidhead!”)

In the rare event that you get an intelligible answer, there is a backup test to make sure they’re still idiots. Ask them about their transcripts, which, as defined by “The dictionary”, is “an official document showing the educational work of a student in a school or college”. Considering even I had to look this up, if they give you an adequate answer, run like hell. And next time you see them, compliment their tusks and nose hairs.