Overload - The Bloody Answer is Gillyweed!

The Bloody Answer Is “Gillyweed”!

By Wesley Boynton

They were crushed when they found out “The boy who lived” never really lived at all…

Recently, like all non-outcasts from society, I attended the “Harry Potter Midnight Party” at my local bookstore. Now, like all midnight parties, this was a place to turn up loud music, get drunk, and fight the pow-- Oh, yeah. Harry potter is a children’s book. Never mind…

While at this party, I made some interesting observations, which I will kindly list here:

Harry Potter has many identical twins
If you didn’t have a scar on your forehead, then you were required to buy a knife upon entry.
If you attended the party, but had not read all the books, you were considered an outcast. And being an outcast from a Harry Potter party is about as low as it gets.
You may portray Harry, but of course you needn’t speak like a Brit. Just refrain from talking.
Never attempt Harry Potter trivia with your siblings (“THE BLOODY ANSWER IS GILLYWEED!”).

My mother suggested being one of those clones, to which I replied: “I considered that, but then I remembered that this is a public event and that blackmail laws are rarely enforced.” Then I sighed, rolled my eyes, and told her that she couldn’t possibly under stand what I was going through and that I was going “out”.

Now, there were many things to do at this party, like origami. I did not personally attempt this, but watching others try (“Is that an owl, or mount Rushmore? I can’t tell”) was enough excitement for me. There was also a café, which, (Get this), used the “Small, Medium, Large” system! What a concept!

Another interesting point arose in the café area. My mother, reluctant to wait five hours around a bunch of nerdy adults with pointy hats, decided to bring her laptop, and try this new-fangled “Wi-Fi” thing everybody’s talking about. After a few attempts with no success, she asked me to watch her laptop while she got a coffee. I had it up and running within minutes. Dumbfounded, she asked how I did it. I replied with a very intricate, and elaborate answer. “I read the dang instruction manual”

Now, like all humans, I’m human. That means that one berry smoothie too many sends me lookin’ for the can. Unfortunately, in ignorance of all the urinals (Handle activated waterfalls, for the girls explanation), as I was casually sitting on the toilet, two Latino kids ran in, peed in the sink, and ran for it. I sure hope I washed my hands in the right sink. When discussing this with my friend, who showed up (Thank God I wore no costume), I made a perfectly fair observation. “There’s no common decency or respect anymore…”, to which he replied with “Of course not, this is America”.

At about 12:45, my number was nearing into the called zone. At the entrance area for called numbers, I had a conversation with an adult, who, like all other people whom I didn’t know, was fooled into believing I was British (Oh, did I forget to mention I spoke like a Brit the whole party?). And asked one simple question. “I mean, there must be some hot girls in that school… What are those oafs doing with their wands? If I had one, ‘Her-Me-Ohn-Ee’ would be naked in a second!” Then, thank God, my number got called.

I left that store with a book that had me in the first few pages, and the knowledge of one thing. We are all insignificant muggles, being thrown into our doom.