Overload - Hollister

Hollister

By Wesley Boynton

Pop culture never ceases to amaze me.

Today, I had the—“experience,” shall we say, of entering the “Hollister Academy.” Academy of what? I have yet to find out. Hollister is a popular clothing store amongst teens and adults with no life alike now days. I think it’s time I attack it from every angle.

I was walking through the mall, when I happened to stumble upon Hollister, Quite literally. You see, staring at r from the wall. Curious, and slightly frightened, I took a look, and decided to venture in.

I found that task to prove more than difficult. You see, Hollister’s entrance, apart from being a raised wooden hut that juts out four feet, also has two entrances. One for “Betties,” another for “dudes.” I was suddenly faced with an important question, and me without my American modern slang dictionary! I have heard both guys and girls to be called “dude.” However, I have never heard a guy to be called a “Betty.” Sooooo, I decided, unsure, to simply walk into the wall in-between. That, as one might imagine, did not work too well. Heh, well, I’ll show them. I regained my composure, stood with an entrance at each side, and took a deep breath. Then, slowly, I began to chant... “Eeny-Meeny-Miny-MO!” That’ll show those architects.

I landed, fortunately (as I discovered later), on dudes. I walked in, and discovered men’s clothing. I also looked a few yards away, where the other entrance came into the same room, with no noticeable difference. Forgetting my failure, I proceeded to look at t-shirts, which, would not comply with any reasonable school dress code. T-shirts which I shant dare quote, for I choose to maintain my dignity, and the anonymity of the dude sitting out front with two girls on each arm.

As I walked around, I understood the pains of blind people. The Hollister marketing strategy, I believe, is to lure innocent children into the store, and then shine spotlights on the clothing as the only source of light, so as to force people to go to the clothes to find their way out, like some mad, crazed, fly. Zooming towards a bug-zapper.

I personally did not buy anything, as I had to leave the store laughing hysterically at how utterly stupid the prospect of this all is. However, from what I’ve heard, the salespeople aren’t exactly cheery. Who thinks that they are seriously better than everybody else, when they work in a clothing store that’ll be a bankrupt fad of the past in a couple years anyway? Sort of like Pokèmon, and airline travel. And who wants to buy a shirt fifteen dollars more what it costs at target, simply for the brand name? Please, people. Stop me in the halls and inform me of your opinions on the subject, and I will gladly write a follow-up, expressing and quoting your opinions. I state this now. I intend no rudeness, no arrogance... No such thing. I am simply a nerd who is not informed of these issues, and any help that utilizes logic would be greatly appreciated.

Greatly amused,

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