English.

English

By Wesley Boynton

Words and people are alike in that once you have learned to manipulate them, they will always serve you loyally.

English teachers tend to annoy me. I've usually had pretty good ones. I haven't had this year's teacher long enough but he seems pretty cool about things and he knows his stuff so far. Seventh grade, Ms. Miles was the best English teacher I've ever had, and Ms. Gibson and Ms. Kennedy for newspaper rocked as well, even Ms. Bickford, who worked on the website, was pretty awesome. I've been blessed with some good teachers all the way through middle school, but for every good English teacher there is also a bad one.

And this is why English teachers tend to annoy me sometimes. For the most part, it's a win or lose situation. I think that to teach something, one should know about it. All of it. One should always be overqualified to teach someone something lest they be taught something that will screw them over should they decide to continue their learning elsewhere. But that point aside, English teachers bug me when they do not use English correctly. So I have come up with a few points that are what I believe to be the core foundation of teaching English in an American school.

1. Know English.

English teachers should have a strong background in English. That being said, if a first language anywhere past maybe someone's second birthday wasn't English, they probably shouldn't be teaching it. It's fine if one moved here in elementary or middle school and now is, say, fifty. Or if one has been an exemplary student of the language and speaks it really well. People who apply themselves to learning a foreign language at an extremely high level tend to know parts of speech and sentence structure better than native speakers who rely on instinct based on immersion from most of their lives. But on average, if an English teacher has some kind of a foreign accent, they should probably be teaching it as a foreign language, or as a local dialect in their home country. Perhaps ESOL.

2. Know how to spell

When I was in Kindergarten, my teachers made sure to tell me if I spelled "cat" wrong. When I was in third grade, my teachers made sure to tell me if I spelled "melancholy" wrong. As a result, I can spell both of those words any time I am asked to. Imagine if my teachers had done that with each and every word they ever taught me. That would serve me well into about eighth grade, when teachers stop doing roots and vocabulary and focus on plot development and analysis. I will never claim that plot analysis isn't important, it's extremely important for understanding anything one might read, and more important for finding a deeper meaning in a piece of literature that may well let one see things, whether in life or in the book, in an entirely different way. However, I find it increasingly annoying when my teachers ask how to spell the simplest of words. My favorite was "Associate," as in, "Henry did not like to associate with people of that sort." It's a simple word, and fairly easy to sound out as well, perhaps with the exception of the same phonetic sound being made between the 'ss' and the 'c.' So why should the teacher ask the class how to spell a word? Isn't that their job to know? If they're getting paid to teach the subject, perhaps the school system should pay the class every time it has to tell the teacher how to do their own job. Coming out of ninth grade I can tell anyone about the Odyssey, the archetypal systems, the epic hero cycle, plot analysis, poetic analysis, and plenty of parts of poetry and prose. But I don't think I learned a single new word. If anything, I reaffirmed in myself the ability to spell words that my teacher couldn't.

3. Know grammatical structure and usage

I've been called a grammar nazi. People call me out on the rare occasion that I misspell or mistype something, or when I use improper grammar. They think they're proving something to me by knowing something the "grammar freak" doesn't, but I tend to thank them for it; I'm not apathetic like most of them are, I actually care about not sounding like an idiot, be it in front of adults or friends. I don't stop talking like an intelligent being around my friends, because that will only make it harder to speak like an intelligent being around anyone else. So I like being called out, so that I can try not to do it in the future. Should I make a mistake, I expect any friend intelligent enough to catch it to point it out to me on the spot, even if I'm in an angry rampage. Losing grammar with temper just makes a person sound like an idiot throwing a fit, in turn making it much harder to retaliate beautifully. So why don't my teachers know the difference between usage of 'affect' and 'effect,' or 'who' and 'whom?' It tends to drive me insane more often than it probably should, but I care about being right. Not about other people being wrong, but about me being solid in my own first language.

4. Be a good example

Historically, "Do as I say, not as I do" has been a philosophy that only messes things up. People do not keep that in mind. No matter how many times it is said, and they will not place themselves above their teachers. They will, by nature, set themselves with that level as their goal. So if a teacher is going to set a rubric, they should speak and write as if they were going to get an 'A' on their own rubric, all the time. If that means leaving the room to talk to their parents or "galpals" on their cell phone, they should do it. But if a teacher has to speak any differently from normal to be correct in a school environment, their students should only ever see that side of them, lest the student assume: "Oh, but it must be okay, I had an English teacher who did it." That's a great way to fail college essays.

5. Know how to use semicolons

I know this probably ties into grammatical usage and structure, but this is one point that irks me beyond most. The most inquisitive students of the English language will at some point ask the fated question: "What are semicolons used for?" This is an important turning point to show that a student cares, at least minimally or with mild curiosity, about the English language. As such, "Google it" is not an appropriate answer. Nor is "Look it up." Looking something up sticks longer than being told, but telling is much different from explaining. In life experience, one will find the things explained to them at a point in life at which they were genuinely interested stick much better than anything they ever read in a book after being turned away by a teacher or figure they respect. So learn to use semicolons, please; one will find it's a rather important part of English once one finds out.

6. Don't use 'you' where you should use 'one'

The word 'you' is used as a subject, direct object or indirect object of a sentence referring directly to the person to whom it is being spoken. As such, if one is not talking specifically and only about the person to whom one is talking to, one should not use the word 'you.' Worded differently, if the person to whom one is speaking is not the subject of the sentence, one shouldn't use the word 'you'

Examples of correct usage:

As a subject (Performing the verb)

"You should feed the dog."

As a direct object (Receiving the verb)

"I'm going to hit you if you don't be quiet."

As an indirect object (Result of a double-object verb, such as "give"

"I'm going to give you a present."

Example of incorrect usage

Speaking about the proper method of cleaning a dog (in written form)

"You shouldn't use a human comb for dogs."

The last example is incorrect because, when writing, unless one is writing to one specific person, one should almost never address their reader directly; at least not in many standard forms, including proper written essay.

7. Correct your students

Teachers, I am completely apathetic as to how totally mindless your students are. They might say "I didn't see nothin'" about twelve-hundred times, but if you correct them each time perhaps one day it will save their hiney on an important essay, or even a job application. That's your job as a teacher; to prepare students for further education, and subsequently for life. So even if it seems entirely hopeless, you should still almost always be right. That's not to say that a teacher should never learn anything new about their subject from their students, but so many errors on a basic level preceding the class go unnoticed, or uncorrected. In my opinion, that's a problem.

8. Teach proper usage of commas

My favorite teacher, Ms. Miles, was a stickler for commas. If a person was wrong, I'd bet my life that she'd correct them. She had a professor in college who marked off a letter grade on any essay for each misplaced comma. The world would be a better place if teachers did that in the earlier grades. That way, by high school, commas would never be a problem. If anyone is to proofread this particular article, I bet they'll find few mechanical errors; with the exception of millions of misplaced commas. I blame that on my teachers and try to remedy it now as best as I can, but I'll bet if I ask 3/4 of the English teachers I've ever had, they wouldn't be able to help me much at all.

9. "Just getting your ideas on paper"

Bad idea. Even when I'm told this, be it a draft or a free-write, I still use proper grammar. Teachers, this is easily the fastest, most efficient way to get your students out of the habit of using proper grammar. I cannot stress that point enough. If one is to use improper grammar 50% of the time they write, they will probably be wrong 50% of the time they use some sort of intermediate to advanced punctuation on a test or in an essay. The way one speaks and writes anywhere, even online, forms habits of spelling and grammar that will only hinder anyone in a formal setting. This is why I, unlike most people, tend to use completely proper grammar when using instant messenger programs and writing e-mails. The main problem I have is forgetting to use periods. I invite readers to take a guess as to what silly mistake I've made on more worksheets than I can count.

10. Teach.

Students don't learn from teachers who don't teach. Worksheet teachers are and forever will be the epitome of apathy. My ninth grade history teacher is a wonderful example of a teacher who knew the content and still expected us to read the chapter, fill out the worksheet and do well on the test. It helps for a teacher to have a love of the subject, something I hear she lacked, but nonetheless one should always spend time teaching instead of spending time printing. Too many teachers in today's schools consider the copy machine their teacher's aide as opposed to personally being involved in the learning process of their students. Each class and student is different as a whole and individually, and good teachers don't use the same words to teach each class, they ask students things and then relate the content to the student, both forcing them to pay attention and interesting them in the subject. A wonderful example of this sort of teaching is my history teacher from this past summer, Mr. Tiernan. Immediately following ninth grade World history I, I took World History II in summer school so as to take an extra class during the year. In twenty-four days, Mr. Tiernan managed to teach me more things than I ever learned in a year's worth of World History I because he turned it into a story and related it to me. Can I recite the name of the first hominid ever found frozen in Ice? No, that's World History I content. But I can surely say who Cardinal Richelieu is, or the significance of Kaiser Wilhelm the second of Germany preceding and entering World War I. That is because Mr. Tiernan made it into a story that we did more than fill out a worksheet about. This doesn't mean using cheesy games one might have found online, this means relating content to the person learning it.

All ten of these points outline the basis of teaching the English language, some points general enough to refer to the art of teaching itself. I firmly believe that any teacher adhering to these rules will teach students who will grow to succeed in life beyond school, whether pursuing a career in English or not. Unlike math, no student can get away with saying that they can have a successful career without English. It is the standard language for global business, and of course the native language in America on a more local level, allowing one to make a good impression and find a good job. Even in starting one's own company, one won't be able to get by without charming those from whom one will make their money. These points in summary are precisely the overall embodiment of what annoys me about most English teachers.