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The Top 10 worst Jobs
By Lance Guthrie
Everyone has always wondered what the top 10 worst jobs are, so here we go:
10. Astronaut: Most people think it is great to be an astronaut. You get paid well, have lots of fun, and get to see outer space, right? Wrong! Many astronauts spend years and years training "you still haven't passed the g force machine, Jimmy. Try again for the 783rd time." (see what I mean) and they still don't get to go into outer space. Second, talk about a high risk job! If you don't get crushed by being spun around like a big, spinning object by the g force simulator, chances are you will die going into space. 3…2…1…LAUNCH! "Hey captain, what is that beeping sound?" "Don't worry, Jimmy, it's just the
See what I mean (again)?
9. Teacher: Especially a middle-school teacher. Middle school kids are the worst! They are always talking, and don't listen, and get into trouble-don't even get me started. I sure feel sorry for all those middle school teachers. Yup, poor them…
8. Lion Tamer: Oh boy. Where to begin. Being a lion tamer has to be bad. One mistake and you won't get the chance to make another one. (just ask Carl Sapits. Who is Carl Sapits? Exactly…) "For tonight's show I am going to stick my head into a lion's mouth." *whip cracks* *lion opens its mouth* "Here I go… Into the lion's mouth… Right now…" *CRUNCH* "Hey mommy, was that supposed to happen?"
Hopefully by now you get my point.
7. Hair Stylist: Some hair stylists have it easy, but some don't. Sometimes they will cut and/or color someone's hair without incident. Other times something like this happens: "Okay, just about done. There, finished! Here's a mirror."
*High Pitched Scream*
"Brown? I thought you said blue!" "Uh-oh." "Not the face, not the face!!!"
And there you go!
6. Telemarketer: I really don't like telemarketers. They are really annoying. Although, they must get some strange responses when people answer the phone. For the fun of doing it, I will tell you some of my personal favorites.
*picks up phone* "No, I don't want what you are selling" *hangs up phone*
*picks up phone*
"Hello, Jimmy speaking. I'll have one large pepperoni and pineapple."
"?????"
"I'm sorry, you must have the wrong number." *hangs up phone*
*picks up phone* *hangs up phone*
*picks up phone* *Yes, may I ask who this is? Ah, I see… Let me put you on hold for a second. *hangs up phone*
*picks up phone* Who is this? Ok, thank you. Please hold for a second… *gets air horn* *blasts air horn into phone* *hangs up phone*
On second thought, I like telemarketers!
5. Custodian: I feel sorry for custodians. They have to clean up after everyone else's messes. Sometimes they have to wear a smock. Smock smock smock. I like to say smock. Saying "smock" is very fun. Come on, say it with me! *to the tune of barney* smock smock smock smock smock smock. Okay that's enough!
4. Starbucks worker: It used to be easy and fun to work at Starbucks. "Hi, I'll have one small coffee." "No problem, coming right up!" But now a days there are so many different names for coffee that it can be almost impossible to get an order right.
"I'll have one double scoop decaf soy mocha latte with a twist. Make it American roast, and make sure it's balanced and bird friendly. If possible, I'd like it to be mature."
Note: Everything in that order is a real coffee term.
If you can tell me what all of that is without looking it up, then you might be qualified to work at Starbucks.
3. Crash test dummy: Is crash test dummy and job for humans? Cause I know a few dummies who would qualify. If it isn't a real job, than to bad! If it is a real job, yay! So, here we go: I think it is obvious why it would be bad to be a crash test dummy. Imagine you are testing a new car to see if it will survive a crash.
"Ready, Jimmy?"
"Yeah, boss."
"Alright. Now, I want you to drive this car at 250 mph right into that brick wall. If the car survives, it gets a pass!"
"Is this safe?"
"Sorry, I can't hear you over the engine!" "Ready, set, go!"
*CRASH*
"So, Jimmy. Did it pass?" "Jimmy? Jimmy! NOOOOOOOOO!"
And that is why being a crash test dummy is bad.
2. Gorilla keeper at the zoo: I feel very sorry for the gorilla keepers at the zoo. I mean, sure, you get to touch the gorilla, and feed the gorilla, but have you ever thought about the downsides?
Keeper: "And here we have the gorilla."
Young Spectator: "Ewww, mommy, look what it's doing!"
Other Spectator: "That, is so wrong!"
Spectator 58?: *vomits*
↑ That is an example of what may happen during the day.
↓ Here is an example of what may happen after the zoo closes.
"Okay, time to clean up!"
"Samuel, your cage is clean. Good gorilla!"
"Samantha, your cage is clean. Good gorilla!"
"Sammy, your cage is clean. Good gorilla!"
"Sam, your cage is clean. Good gorilla!"
"Jimmy, your cage is… WHOA! No, not on the food dish! Oh, that is NASTY!"
There you go, a day in the life of a gorilla keeper.
Well, we are finally here. The worst job I can think of. Are you ready? Are you sure? Okay! The worst job in the world is--
Well Sorry Folks, but that is all the time we have for today. Tune in next week for the conclusion of "The 10 worst jobs in the world!"
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