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Doubletalk Vol. 3

By Patrick Courtney McGorrill

Gnu. That could be a topic if I wanted it to be, but it's not. It sure seemed like I was going somewhere with that though. There's so much to say about gnu's. Not that I'm going to mention any of it since that's not the topic. No, the topic actually is ribbons. Ribbons are good for many things. First they are shiny and though that doesn't give them much practicality it sure is pretty. Second you can tie things with ribbons like boxes, packages, presents, boxes, and gift baskets, and boxes. Third my toe itches but I can't reach it because it's inside my shoe. To scratch my toe I would have to take my shoe off and place my shoe somewhere else. And we all know how unsafe that is. What if some shoe gremlins came a long. With their bamboozlers, and cardfinker, and frumpets. No wait, those are the Who's as depicted by Dr. Seuss. The shoe gremlins just run round and misplace shoes. It's easy to get them confused though. The both recognize Presidents day as a poor excuse for a holiday. Why is there no Presidents day merchandising? There's hearts on Valentines day. Forests are destroyed at Christmas time. And pumpkins are ruthlessly destroyed on Halloween. Why aren't there any Presidents day traditions. I think we should start one. Just you and me. On presidents day we'll decorate our houses with the Presidential seal everywhere. We can cook a big dinner from whatever country the U.S. is currently at war with and if it isn't at war we should bake an apple pie. Then at 9:00 PM we will spend one hour talking to all the dead presidents on our dollar bills and thanking them for all they have done for this great country. Won't that be fun!?!?! Almost as fun as making lemonade. I actually don't know how to make lemonade. I just use that country time stuff and I'm pretty sure that's made from ground up yarn with so many preservatives you don't notice the yarnish texture. Yes yarnish is a word. I say it is so it is. And my word is, really not worth much but I still yarnish should be a word. It could be Used in everyday conversation like; "that speech Gregaros just made was very yarnish" or "That wind was particularly yarnish." I don't know how to use a semicolon. I think it shows in the sentence before the last one. It's quite a handicap you know. Why are all handicap parking spaces marked with a wheelchair. Do they think all handicap people should be in wheelchairs. Then again it's hard to think of many disabilities where people would still be allowed to drive. You wouldn't want a blind person pulling into one of those handicap spots. Then again they wouldn't even know there was a wheel chair in the spot. I think we should all take a moment to relax. Take a deep breath innnnn ooouuutt now a moment of silence while I use up the space on this page I'm supposed to fill.

Good I think we're all fully rested and ready to finish this article. Unless you didn't do the breathing exercises like I told you to. I recommend you do since I know you didn't you lying cheat. Oh you did do them. Alright then. Don't I look stupid then. You know what else is stupid? A gnu.